Reporting to you from my deathbed.

I am going on day 10 of a flu/chest infection hybrid. Today is the first day I've A) showered, B) put on real people clothes and C) made my way out of the house for longer than 30 minutes and to somewhere other than my doctor's office. I was on mandatory bed rest from Thursday, but have really been in bed for the large part since last Tuesday. When you're an adult, spending the day lazy in bed can be relaxing, but you feel really guilty for not doing anything. Well, when it's your only choice, it's actually quite fun... For about 3 hours, then it's painfully boring. Here are some highlights of my week long bed rest:

1. Coughing this much should give me abs. I've coughed so much to the point where it hurts my abs incredibly to cough anymore, yet I'm still not seeing any definition here.. so.. anytime now, abdominals.


2. So. Much. COUGHING.


3. You know how oregano oil is supposed to be a super crazy antibiotic? Well, I figured that if one drop can do such great things, three drops in some water and taken like a shot would be magic, right? No, first hand experience will tell you that the oregano oil dry heaves that induces is not worth it. Oregano oil does not like to be fucked with.


4. I don't know a single food that makes me feel better when I'm sick quite like toast does. In the first 4 days where I couldn't stomach anything, toast was always a sure bet. Starchy carbs man, my immune system couldn't go on without them.


5. My loving, doting boyfriend kept me stocked on anything and everything I wanted all weekend, including tomato soup. Now you would think this is a pretty easy chore, but he is a tomato hater. Sending a tomato hater for tomato soup can easily result in soup that tastes like watered down ketchup (gag me). This man of mine though, comes home with roasted tomato bisque, and even better than that? It was all natural. (it may have been a little mix of medication and fever hallucinations, but I'm pretty sure there were angels singing in my room when it was discovered he got the exact kind that I wanted).


6. Saturday it was our one year anniversary, and we had grand plans to go to Kelowna for the day and make a whole day of it, followed by a yummy home cooked dinner. I was trying so hard all morning to convince myself I could do it and just take enough tylenol to fake feeling better, but alas, our day was not meant to be. Instead we spent our one year anniversary in bed, with me coughing and trying not to infect him, while we both christmas shopped online. It'll be one to remember, that's for sure.


7. I tried to spruce myself up slightly for when he came over on Friday night because you know, when you're this sick, you look it to. So I had a bath, shaved my legs, changed my hair from homeless chic to homeless topknot, and put on my cutest loungewear. HA. Fever sweats don't give a fuck who you're trying to impress, they're gonna ruin all of your efforts instantly.


8. I've been marathon-ing Gilmore Girls on netflix because I never watched it the first time around. I love watching shows that instantly date themselves. For example, one of the dates included going to the movie store to pick out a movie. Who remembers doing this!? It felt so nostalgic to see those things that were once so mundane, and now feel almost vintage..? It's crazy how TV shows can do that to you. Also for some nostalgia, who remembers when this was a trend?


9. Jake does not appreciate my Gilmore Girls recaps. He especially does not care to know which side of the Rory-Dean-Jess love triangle I picked (Jess, natch.)


10. I have never been more excited to see my doctor twice in one week. Because the second time around ended with me getting drugs. I've also never been so excited for antibiotics before.


11. There is no other event quite like getting sick that reverts you back to a mama & daddy's girl quite as fast. No one can quite nail the tone of, "how ya feelin', hunny?" quite like your mama can.


12. Candy Crush. The addiction is so real.