Thursday, 24 September 2015

Things that bother me, but really shouldn't.

The internet lately bums me out. Not the internet around here, the blogosphere that is lifestyle blogging, which is doused in lovely valencia-esque filters, internet perfect hair and wicked outfits (and currently smells like pumpkin spice). No, I mean the harsh reality that with the good of how accessible everything is thanks to the internet - like reviews on literally anything you can spend money on, the catch-22 that everyone's opinion is now just as accessible, no matter how wrong, skewed or just plain unnecessary it is.  The more ignorance and hatred and darkness that I see on the internet, the more I just want to become a technology-less recluse - and that's saying something because one of my favorite pastimes is to creep on people and take vain selfies. So, instead of letting myself be pulled down into the dark pit, I figured I would instead think of other things that really bother me, but shouldn't hold too much room in my heart or brain - it wouldn't leave room for the other really wicked things like my boyfriend's half grin and mint chocolate chip ice cream. Or peanut butter anything
^yep, that's the one. melt.
 A list of things that bother me, but really shouldn’t:

  1. Girls who wear leggings and crop tops as acceptable outfits.

  2. Girls who wear leggings and short shirts, as acceptable outfits.

  3. Slow wifi/No wifi – first. world. problems - but still annoying as fuck.

  4. Kids who just get their licenses who are driving brand new vehicles, when it literally took me a decade to achieve this. Also, 15 year olds with a newer edition iPhone than me.

  5. The fact that my boss’s 10 yr old son has a mega crush on our new administrator, when I’ve been around for 4 years and have never had said attention. Not even close. rude.

  6. Showering, am I right!? Especially leg shaving day.

  7. How bloody long my hair takes to grow, when some people I know and love can’t keep up to how fast theirs does – share the wealth peeps.

  8. People who don’t break eye contact when eating or drinking.

  9. The sound of Styrofoam.

  10. When people cut their food too hard and their knives squeak/scrape the plate.

  11. Walking through spider webs.

  12. Slow walkers.

  13. People who choose to drive yellow vehicles.

  14. Flyers & Junk Mail.

  15. Literally all paper mail unless it’s money or a letter/card.

  16. When I turn my computer on and try to do too many things at once and my shit freezes, but I continue clicking on things for a solid 10-15 seconds to really make sure.

  17. Posting numerous selfies to social media in a small timespan.

  18. OMG - GYM SELFIES. We get it, you work out

  19. The baby prostitute perfume my co-worker insists on wearing. For reference, it smells like a bushel of berries rolled around in cotton candy and were then doused in sugar.

  20. The fact that Netflix feels the need to play the opening credits on TV Shows. Literally, know your audience, ‘Flix.

And there you have it. Now, for me I am off to watch puppy videos, cats doing stupid shit, and drink some wine. That's enough internets for today. Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Wednesday, 23 September 2015

I'm just goin with it.


Jeans: Madewell, Dress: Asos, Boots: Aldo, Faux Fur: Chicwish - old (alternatives here, here)

when everything you have on is currently on sale - cha-chiiing

Lets discuss the dress/jeans combo I have going on that is giving me 2000’s trend flashbacks but in a way that I feel like, works -unlike the 00’s. But FIRST, Let’s talk about this "dress" specifically.  I ordered this dress for a wedding, to wear at the beginning of September. It was due to arrive on August 24th, but had no tracking – ROOKIE mistake. Well, August 24th came and went and no dress. Few days go by and I email and say, “hey, where my dress at?!” They say wait another week. No dress. Long story short, the dress never came in time, they couldn’t figure out where it went either and just refunded my money, since it was too close to the wedding to order another. Well, low and behold, what was on my desk two days ago, but THIS DRESS. 6 weeks late, and now apparently free as well – thanks asos and also, sorry asos, I promise I didn’t pull a fast one on ya. And, as we can all see, a “dainty, tea party/ semi casual fall wedding appropriate” dress IT IS NOT. Unless the invite is good for one vagina coming to the party too. Tea party at the church on top, porn star on the bottom.

Which brings us to this, the dress jeans combo. Following this post by Merrick the other week it got me thinking about how much more wear I could get out of my tunics by pairing them with my skinny jeans as opposed to just leggings, and this dress being experiment #1 I feel was a massive success. Maybe it’s the fact that Madewell cannot go wrong with their jeans (in my opinion), maybe it’s the wicked shoes, maybe this dress was meant to find me to all come together and make this magic. Or, maybe it looks horrendous and I was high when I got dressed, take your pick.

Friday, 4 September 2015

We need to talk about your flare.

You do want to express yourself, don't you? Ahhh thank you to Office Space for the opportunity of a killer opener. Anyway, perusing Pinterest last night while watching a docu-series on the worst mob bosses in history, as I often do, I was continuing my hunt for an updated denim wardrobe, updated just in time for fall. I was originally looking for new ways to wear some boyfriend jeans when flare jeans kept hitting my feed. At first my original thoughts were: "piss of Pinterest, you're drunk and I'm not p-interested" - I know, I'm on a roll here, but then the more washes I saw and the more versatile the outfits, my mind was definitely changed. You know what guys? I was digging what I was seeing, hard. The silhouettes were so feminine and flattering, and the new styles are slightly higher waisted meaning they slim your tummy and elongate your legs, something I am never one to turn down. I'm more of a pear shaped person, so I am leaning more towards the trouser/flare hybrid as opposed to full on bell bottoms, but for a more lean person, any silhouette you want will fit your fancy. You lucky ducks.

Couple rules for showing off your flare:

  1. This may be the only rule, but for the love of god, DO NOT wear flares with flats. Was that your plan? Read that first line as many times as needed to let it sink in, even if you are tall. It looks sloppy, they're meant to be worn with heels so if you don't wear them, you'll have a good couple inches pooling at your feet, and if they're short enough to wear with flats: You bought the wrong pair. Try again. If you're worried about added height, A) don't be, and B) a kitten heel will suffice.

  2. Even if you are going to wear something looser up top, ensure that your flares are very tailored to keep the ensemble chic and not sloppy. In addition, make sure you're showing off a little skin, be it collarbone or chest to show some shape and not look like a sack.

  3. Chunky knits with flares will more than likely be my go to, behind wearing them with a blazer, so again to ensure I won't be overwhelmed with fabric, I'll do the half tuck on my sweaters to maintain my shape while still being comfy and oh so chic.

  4. Go full boho, wear these with kimonos for as long as the weather allows for it. Channel your inner Rachel Zoe and wear a floppy hat too for bonus style points.

Some great options I found recently:

And below is just a sampling of how I would wear these for casual date nights or to the pub with friends, how I would wear for work, and middle road everyday wear. See? SO versatile.

flare casual work flare flare chunkyNext up, Denim Culottes! Just kidding, I'll never give into that trend. Me and my good ol faithful leg stumps dislike them greatly, as they would us. They belong in the "never going to fucking happen" category, alongside acid wash.